Happiness Is A Warm Gun

One shortcoming of many Popular Standards is that their eroticism was implicit. Those of an older generation might not consider their subtlety in this regard to be a shortcoming, but we of the rock-deafened generations find latent sexuality quaint and sometimes even incomprehensible. What's wanted to correct this shortcoming is a Don Quixote who can tilt at doubles entendres. And that's where I, your boutique song parodist, come in.

(My, that's an awful lot of lingo to justify a ribald parody.)

Yesterday sparked an idea for a parody of Warren's Shuffle Off to Buffalo, which, let's face it, presents certain features of erotic interest. By sheer coincidence—caused, perhaps, by lack of lyrical skill on my part—, singing the following requires a certain nimbleness of tongue:

When an avid cunnilinctor
Goes to penetrate your sphincter
And you feel that glow—
Oh—oh—oh—
Off 'll go your trigger,
Triggering a bigger O.

First, his tongue 'll do the Hora
On your labia minora;
Then, he'll go real slow—
Oh—oh—oh—
Off 'll go your trigger,
Triggering a bigger O.

Your jus d'amour he'll stoop to savor,
As you ascend the stratosphere.
If he says, "Return the favor,"
Say, "We'll discuss that later, dear."

If you picture every climax
As a scene in Super IMAX
With the sound turned low—
Oh—oh—oh—
Off 'll go your trigger,
Triggering a bigger—
Don't
Stop,
F'godsake, don't stop—
Triggering a bigger O.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov