Further Spurs

Granted, a ribald parody of I've Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle is precisely the sort of thing that American society so desperately needs in these dark days, but I'm not certain that I'm the man for the job. What little occurs to me is opaque and lacks cohesion. Here, in no particular order--owing to the lack of cohesion aforesaid--are an opaque chorus and an opaque verse:

I've got sperm that wiggle waggle wiggle,
Which is why I could find myself in dutch.
I've an eel that's mighty fun to sniggle,
But the elvers are strictly "Do Not Touch."

* * * *

She was with child--
She was with child.
She was fecund, so I reckoned
We could not be reconciled.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

Now, honestly: how with-it is Mr. General Public these days, when it comes to eel-related terminology? In the words of the old English toast, "'Oo's loike us? Dam' few." But rhymes for wiggle are few, so the lyricist is put in rather a cleft stick. I dread what is to come: figuring out how to use giggle without irremediably damaging my amour propre.