As I Was Saying . . .

I've just spent two lovely weeks on Lesbos, with sidetrips to Philadelphia, Boston and Martha's Vineyard, but I've nothing to show for this gadding about but a nonce song composed somewhere between Hartford and Beantown, to the tune of the theme from Born Free:

King Kong,
The giant gorilla—
Imagine Godzilla
With two opposable thumbs.

King Kong,
The Simian Wonder—
His roar is like thunder,
Enough to drown out the drums.

Fay Wray—
Her bosoms are heaving.
Could Adam and Eve conceive
The love that they'll achieve?

Fat chance!
I'll bet my bandanna
That Adam's banana
Is no King Kong.

This afternoon—actually, yesterday afternoon—I resumed rehearsing with my DAMP (director-arranger-manager-producer), and felt for the first time in a long time that we were making progress. The juices began to flow again, and a quickie on It's a Long Way to Tipperary came to me on my way home. It was only when I sang it aloud for the first time to my daughter, that I saw that a shocking identity had worked its way into it. No fix for it has yet occurred to me:

There's a wrong way
To tip a waiter,
And a right way,
God knows;
And the right way
To tip a waiter
Is to pay him
Through the nose.
Good guys
Give him C-notes;
Cheapskates,
Just a dime.
When the bon ton
Goes to tip a waiter,
It's payday—
Big time!

Lyrics © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov