Wednesday, April 29, 2009


This in today from the Nyok Times. About a bank robber who accidentally let his gun go off during a heist, and copped a heavier sentence in consequence.

How can a nation be enlightened enough to elect That Guy in the White House, and yet still be so benighted as to penalize people for being intensely stupid? It makes no sense.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

More Nonce Lyrics

The Young Idea has been visiting colleges, and a couple of lyrics have popped into the noggin while I've waited around for her. The first was to the tune of--get this--the theme song to Stan Freberg's faux TV western, Bang Gunleigh, U.S. Marshal Field, from The Best of Stan Freberg Shows (and if you're not acquainted with that august album, shame on you!). The tune I can't give you, but the original lyric runs something like this:

Bang Gunleigh,
U.S. Marshal Field,
Riding east, west, north and south:
You can tell he stands for justice
By the way he draws a gun,
And the proud look about his green mouth [from his having eaten the sponsor's product, Puffed Grass, you see].

I deeply regret the obscurity of the melody, but the Muse is too bitchy to be thwarted by a pipsqueak like me; so here goes:

Johns Hopkins
With the pre-med student bod:
It's a cinch they churn out doctors
Like a sausage-meat machine,
Every last one of whom will play God.

Lyric © 2009 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

The next trip was to Grinnell College, in Grinnell, Iowa, which yielded the following, set to the more recognizable Hello, Dolly!:

Grinnell College
Is a swell college,
Though it's way the heck out West in Timbuktu;
The undergrad students
Aren't such bad students--
When somebody
Has to study,
He says, "Whoop-de-doo!"
So spend your last dollar--
Be a real scholar--
Wind up smarter than you were when you were born.
(Though, let me say, people,
Apropos I-o-way, people:
Just to be nice, I won't refer--
Just to be nice, I won't refer--
Just to be nice, I won't refer to corn.)

Lyric © 2009 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

As so often happens with my stuff, it sags towards the end. Ah, me!
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