Birthday Honors

A creative constipation that had afflicted me for the past week or so anent Cy Coleman's If My Friends Could See Me Now came to an end this evening under the influence of Campari, administered by one Scott Ailing, a bartender-cum-singer plying his trades at Danny's on West 46th Street. Mr. Ailing was celebrating his unknownth birthday this evening, and consequently furnished the inspiration. The following rough draft is the result, upshot and outcome:

If I look seamy now,
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
I look like Chairman Mao,
When seen in silhouette.
I've rubbed my back with salve
Until it was raw;
Around my waistline, beaucoup av-
Oirdupois.
If I were keepin' tabs,
I'd have a freakin' cow--
I've lost my washboard abs
And gained a washboard brow.
I'm as old as Tony Dow
(Or maybe the Beaver):
Dig my grave and plant me now.

Mercifully short, at any rate.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov