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Friday, May 20, 2005

Masterpiece Theatre

What I often wonder, watching PBS, is, how the hell they define a “masterpiece”? If a book’s not downright dull, it’s a candidate for Death by Slow Episode. I would not begrudge ‘em dusting off a trilogy, if only they made a faster piece—but the thing drags on so long, it’s like sitting through the whole Napoleonic Code. When they’re not breaking out in Cockney, dropping every “H” like a hick who hasn’t heard of Henry Higgins, then they speak with an Oxbridge accent, dropping every "R," till you simply want to scream! Then the theme song’s not exactly rock ‘n’ roll; it couldn’t pass as a ghetto-blaster piece—play it ten times through, and bang! Leroy Anderson is swearing off the major mode.

The foregoing post is set to a possibly recognizable tune. I'll give you three guesses what it is.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

3 Comments:

Blogger Reeves said...

Well it's clearly the Mouret fanfare adopted that was as the teme music for Masterpiece Theater: edCGCDefedcdefGggGAG-fE and so on, but I can't fit the "bridge" (if that term applies to such music) to the words starting with "When they're not..." I hear that part as GggGGECCcdEeefedcG---. Where am I going wrong?

And while you're writing wonderfully about PBS, how about something about their freaking LIBERAL BIAS, which of course they deny... (sorry, couldn't hep myself)

9:07 AM  
Blogger Reeves said...

Disregard previous comment (I once got a fortune cookie that said "disregard previous fortune"). My dull Friday morning brain just figured out that the "bridge" starts with cdEeeEE and that the 'ick 'oo 'adn't part is a hintentional hinsertion of excessive syllables. I used to hunderhestimate Peterson all the time in school, and ere I go doing it again. That's what 26 years of public service will do to a bloke. Plus, the 'ubris of introducing rhyming lyrics as a paragraph is admirably stunning.

9:18 AM  
Blogger npetrikov said...

Freaking LIBERAL BIAS, I grant you.

But have you noticed how much of PBS nowadays is devoted to infomercials, thinly disguised as new-age chautauquas? Gaseous lectures by people pushing weird oriental cults, self-help and chicken-soup-for-the-soul, stockmarket and real estate investment schemes, and all manner of nonsense.

With all the gold buried in the PBS vaults, an excellent schedule of reruns would have cost next to nothing. So I have to assume that the Dr. Phil types are paying zillions to get their shows on the air. Isn't it nice to have an alternative to commercial TV?

10:27 AM  

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