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Monday, April 17, 2006

Last Call!

OK, third time's a charm. Still bugging me about Camelback Mountain was the word dung at the end of the first quatrain. I'm no prig (no, no, not so, but far otherwise), but I failed to see what in the heck dung had to do with this song, apart from furnishing a rhyme for young. The trouble was, that I was practically married to the second line. So there was nowt to do but change young to new, and carry one from there.

Pristine and pure was Camelback Mountain,
Years ago, when Phoenix was new;
The nouveau riche put houses upon it,
Blighting the land and blocking the view.

The Monk who kneels on Camelback Mountain
Prayed for years as hard as he could;
His mute appeals and silent hosannas
Haven’t achieved a smidgen of good.

Let's save the soul of Camelback Mountain:
Meet tonight in Papago Park;
We'll fire a flare at Camelback Mountain.
One random spark
Should light up the dark.

Lyric © 2006 by Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

Remaining problems: The first quatrain is now too bland, though God knows most of my lyrics need a prosaic passage of exposition here and there. Light up the doesn't scan; the sheet music shows a dotted quarter note, an eighth note and a quarter note here, designed to carry Lullaby, but tending to give an awkward emphasis to the.

Now, on to something else. But what?

1 Comments:

Blogger marrow-from-harrow said...

How about - Uh?

5:09 AM  

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