Saturday, April 15, 2006

Camelback Again

The ending of Camelback Mountain was weak as hell: no word-picture, no wit, no finesse. Not at all what I'd projected for the ending, which called for taking the homes of the rich-and-not-so-famous-but-still-rich-and-that's-something-anyway, and putting them to the torch. But two rhymes for torch were wanted, and, apart from porch (apt enough), there's only scorch, which (a) is too mild for a conflagration, and (b) tips off the punchline of torch.

This morning, an improvement presented itself:

Let's save the soul of Camelback Mountain:
Meet tonight in Papago Park;
We'll fire a flare at Camelback Mountain.
One random spark
Should light up the dark.

Lyric © 2006 by Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

So now, except for Monk, the vowels of the first and third syllables of the first three lines of each section are long. Take that, you Shermans! And I noticed this morning a casual internal rhyme in the Monk section: kneels/appeals. Completely inadvertent, folks. Sometimes, I don't know my own strength.


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