If Only, Part II

I have now hewn a second chorus to the parody of If I Only Had a Brain from the rockface, and that's about how it reads, too. Not at all the effortless flow that one desires: scansion funky, rhymes forced, ideas obscure—all in all, a bad job, or should I say a bad Jobs. Still, something may come of it in the hereafter.

Incidentally, the more astute of my readers may recall my criticizing Messrs. Dubin and Warren for setting the word tell on a high, sustained note. Well, look at how the release to this one begins. Hypocrisy, thy name is Petrikov.

Now, my personal computer:
Perhaps it could be cuter,
And maybe not so black.
I'd be "cute-saturated"
And be color-c'ordinated— [see what I mean about scansion?]
If I only had a Mac.

I'd have gigabytes of power
Without the phallic tower
(I'd ship the sucker back);
And I'd sit there and giggle
At that button with the squiggle—
If I only had a Mac.

I'd tell
The boys at Dell
To go to Hellespont;
Now that Apple could fulfill my every want,
I could retire
To Stowe, Vermont.

I would haunt the secret loft where
They sell their special software
For lots and lots of jack.
I'd be bitch-slapped by Apple
Like an altar-boy at chapel—
If I only had a Mac.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

The only redeeming feature I see: "bitch-slapped." I've been simply dying to use that word in a lyric.