If Only, If Only, If Only

Dinner in TriBeCa this evening with Miss Sallie Parker having put me in as good a mood as it's possible to be in and still remain earthbound, I was in consequence receptive to suggestions from my Muse; to wit, a parody of Harold Arlen's If I Only Had a Brain (for which, I trust, no link to a midi is necessary), of which the following is the first chorus (don't try reading that sentence all in one breath):

I’d pontificate for hours
On Francis Gary Powers
And keep ‘em all agog;
I’d permit one opinion
In my virtual dominion—
If I only had a blog.

After sounding off on cloning,
I’d spend some time bemoaning
The market price of POG;
I’d debate Terri Schiavo,
Pick the best Hawaii Five-O—
If I only had a blog.

Profound
Is how I’d sound
(Like Captain James T. Kirk!)—
I would sit ‘n’ shoot my mouth off like a jerk,
And do it all
While I’m at work.

If my fans were fond of drinking,
I’d do some hyper-linking
To recipes for grog;
I’d be wise, I’d be witty,
And be sittin’ awful pretty—
If I only had a blog.

Lyric © 2005 Nathaniel DesH. Petrikov

Needs polishing, of course; for one thing, I don't like the stress on the last syllable of virtual. And choruses II and III to follow, I hope. But, as Fats used to say, one never knows, do one? And so to bed.